so ...I am now reminded that having sex on a fairly regular basis means at some point you are bound to have a wholey un-sexy experience. (period)

I will just say one thing about what brought this on. Kissing. When I kiss I like lip and tongue contact. some people enjoy just tongue and procede to lick your tongue with theirs not touching lips...just tongue on tongue action. And to that I say...if you want to be a dog get on all fours and take it like a bitch and stop waving that tongue in front of me...it's revolting!

Mark (me) is scared. Am I doing the right thing going back to school full time, should I have done it part time? should I have applied to other courses? Should I be moving in into the house, with 4 other strangers, I have secured for June.

My life is in transit, it is moving forward, and it IS exciting. There's just this feeling of trepidation that lingers. Am I doing what I should be, am I making bad decisions. I guess there is only one way to find out is to just go ahead head held high, in confidence, and make the best of whatever comes from those decisions.

well another year gone by and i'm 25, and the days keep rolling by. Not getting any younger.
I've never been scared of getting older, not really. But this year for some reason it hit me. You're a quarter of a century everyone wishes you, one can't help but feel old after a comment like that!

And then there's the whole "finding someone". GAH how I loath it I dunno what it is but I just seem to attract the weird ones. I know, I know someone will come along at some point. Now maybe trying to meet people online isn't the best, but how else? Bars? The few guys i've met in bars have turned out to be nice enough, but really they're Wankers! Just wish guys wouldn't play such games. Like the one thing that ALWAYS seems to happen you message someone exchange MSN info etc...and either, they're never online, or when they are they can't even put two words together yet alone form a sentence to simulate conversation! what the hell! don't people know how to talk anymore!

anyway...life just keeps going, and we can either choose to stop dead (literally) or keep going, head held high, looking towrads the future, cuz who knows what it will bring, might be cliche but it's true.

so uh...don't know if anyone still uses this...but I need to write again. I hate that I feel the need to write again, it feels like a failur. See when I feel the need to write I need to express it, but it feels like there is no one around who cares, who wants to hear.

I got back from Australia just over 5 months ago now, I had an amazing time down there, saw, and experienced so much. I was in such a good place in my life. Then I cam back...and it's been hard adjusting. See eventhough I was always traveling by myself I never once felt alone. Not one time did I think "poor me I don't have any friends". I did make some pretty amazing friends while I was down there though! I love em!

But now I am back in Canada....living in Toronto, at my aunt and uncle's again and I find myself slipping into depression again, not wanting to hurt myself depression...but like the laziness that comes with it, the lack of will do get anything done. And I have never felt more alone.

See what i'm REALLY TIRED AND SICK OF the fact with pretty much any of my friends they never want to see me. Like they'll never call me up and say "I want to hang out with you tonight". It's always up to me, and when I do try to plan stuff...ppl are always busy, never have any time for me. Like I love my friends I really do! Like they are the world to me. It just hurts to feel no one really likes me.

sorry that my first post since like FOREVER is such a downer...I really did try to make a few updates while I was in Oz...but I couldn't remember my password, and for some reason...I tried to reset it...but it didn't work...anyway...pitiful excuses I know, but true none the less.

hope you're all well in LJ land! If anyone is still out in LJ land that is lol.

Mark Out

once again another long delayd entry! that weekend which was crazy busy! seems like it JUST happened! anyway

I saw KOOZA and it is FRIGGIN AWESOE! if you get a chance GO!!!!!!!!!!! holy crap words can't describe how good it is! how amazing, how awesomly good it is! GAH!!

today was a good day!

I leave in 34 days!!! AHHHHHHHH

SO I leave in 53 days...landing in 55 at Melbourne and probably sticking around there for till Christams or so...then travel, then find a job, then travel find a job...but we'll see how that all turns out, nothing is set in stone.

Going with SWAP is nice, cuz on their web site you can meet people who are going at the same time as you so that is nice, so hopeuflly not so alone as it seems. And i've talked to a few ppl down there as well...so ya..i'm gettin pretty darn excited. There's just still A LOT to do b4 I leave :S It's a bit daunghting...I really should just make a list, makes things SO much more manageable (that I learnd from work!)

in other news I saw Hairspray....and LOVED it!!!! everyone should see it! and it was filmed in TO, so it's kinda cool recognizing a few locations and such.

I will be doing my best to write my travels here, or facebook, or at least on paper!

another note...this weekend is one of the busiest of the season, and instead of 3 people we have 2 working (one is on vacation) AND this is also the weekend I said I would make a cake for my cousin's bar mitzvah...so along with work I have a cake for 100ppl to make! So ya...it's a BUSY weekend! oh and I'm gonna miss the bar mitzvah :( I was looking foward to it! cuz it's fun! anyway...I need the money, and there is no way of getting out of work cuz there is only 2 of us.

So it really has been a LONG time since I posted ANYTHING here...I spend most of my time on facebook now, and MSN, I don't write as much. Which kinda sucks...ahh well. So update, I want a boy friend..but i'm leaving in 2 months so...that kinda throws a kink into that, which SUCKS, I want a guy I can just hang out with, feel loved, be held in his arms, and just sit there with eachother and be comfortable in his arms. So ya...meh what can ya do eh?

my summer otherwise has been good! I actually went out a couple of times during Pride festivities...crowds were CRAZY! Don't think I really want to do it again...it's so....I dunno...the parade is fun...but ya...meh. I still had fun, but I feel i'm to shy to actually meet ppl in bars and such, which kinda sucks but again...you guessed it..meh.

After Pride I decided it was time I started on my last steps into finalizing my Working Holiday to Australia...so I booked my ticket and i'm leaving Sept 16 4pmish...landing in Melbourne Sept 18 10pmish...it's roughly a 24hr flight, with a 4hr lay over at LAX. So i'm pretty pumped for that! And FREAKED OUTTA MY MIND!!!!! like i'm going to a country I don't know anyone, don't really have a place to live, no job lined up...and the plan is to be there for a year!! holy crap! but that is the undercurrent to my ever present excitment!! to be going to a place i've wanted to go to sine I was 9, and just forcing myself to be confidant in myself, which is hard...but yay!! i'm GOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And work is awesome! I love it at the yacht club, though the past few days i've been making STUIPD mistakes that I shouldn't be making and in consequence have had to throw out a few things...not so good :S

that is probably enough for you guys to digest for now eh?

keep having fun, and being safe!

been a while since an update from me eh? :S

well not too much exciting and new happenin...though a few things

1. goin back to the yacht club for the summer :) yay (better pay, hours I like, ppl I like, atmosphere I like! so yay!!!!)

2. Australia is still the plan...just have to get my ass in gear!

4....hmmm I missed 3.

3. well I didn't have a 3 anyway.

So I think that's the short and sweet of it!

oh and one of my best friends moved to Toronto for the summer!! i'm totally pumped! :):) and she's living like 5min bike from me!!! ahhh! so good!

you know...I've only gone to buddies like 3-4 times (I think it's 3...) but each time I have had an amazing night! I've always run into 1 or more ppl I've talked to online, and there are always A LOT of cute guys...and yes there is a mix...like it's not all 20somethings...there are older guys as well....but ya...I have yet to go to Buddies (on a sat night) and NOT have a GREAT time.

so it's been a while since an emo free update from me...and I am in a mood to be able to do this now :)


So really all i've been doing as of late is working, it pretty much eats up all my time. And the free time I do have...I basically feel like staying home and just chillin, I don't have much energy these days...it kinda sucks. But I don't mind my job..it's just draining, which I can deal with. Just kinda leaves NO room for friends etc...cuz my schedule meets up with no one's! Well there are a few ppl...but really no one


And I did send in a cover letter/resume to the Yacht Club (where I was last summer) hoping to hear back from them so I can change jobs and go back with them...cuz really that would be awesome! We'll see how all that works out...I also just feel bad about leaving the Drake so close to summer...but really...I have to do what's best for me...and staying at the Drake if I have an oppertunity to work elsewhere for the summer would not be a good choice. (if that made sense :S). So ya...ummm what els


RIGHT ok..I don't think i've posted anything about this yet so basically after summer my plan is to go live/work in Australia for a year...yay!!!!! So that's really my exciting news as of late.

so ya hope yer all doin well!
catch y'all later!

quick little blurb b4 bed! (it's LATE) anywho....WWRY! is awesome!!! SO much fun!!!!

well there is a first time for everything!
between 6am Sunday-4:30pm Monday...I got a total of 3 hrs sleep! And it was surprisingly easy!

HEY well...this is not a triumphant return...time to just write shit down.

i've been in a non depressive mood for over a year now...which is unusual! but the past 2 days, have started bringing it back. I don't exactly know why...though I think in large part it has to do with my work schedule, and always having to say no hanging out with friends cuz I have to be up so damn early!!!!!!

and writing this...it's just I dunno...tonight lonliness might be ampliphied cuz my aunt and uncle and cousins aren't around...so I have the house to myself, it's very quiet!

so I figure some nights i'm gonna have to sacrifice sleep just to keep my sanity??

I get so annoyed when i'm like this, nothing is good, everything seems to work against me, I want to do something but I don't want to burden others with my presence...cuz I can't relaly afford to drink too much, cuz I need to start saving for my "working holiday"...so DAMN! Rock and hard place I am stuck.....I just need a break! I need out!!!!!

Love Actually (the movie) rocks my socks! SOOO good! And i'm gaining weight :S need to cut back on sweeties! :S

well i'm really trying to figure out how to post stuff from YouTube...but I figure till that works it's self out! i'll just do it this way....
Hi5 Now I know a bunch of you...I probably have already introduced you to Hi5...AND I think I may have made a simmilar post earlier on...but Hi5 never fails to put me in a better mood then I was b4 watching it! SO if your'e ever in a bad mood...watch some Hi5! :)

well...My birthday...it was good...I had been in an AMAZING mood from Monday-Wednesday night! It was awesome! lol

now as some of you know...I never make a big deal of my birthday, don't like to have ppl buy me things and such cuz they feel they should. In fact sometimes on my b-day I end up buying thigns for others instead ;) lol....anyway!

so Tuesday (Feb 6) Hung out with Sarel at Timothy's then he had to leave (he "had" to go meet a boy :S) And we had called up Henry and he came out after work..we went for a quick drink b4 I had to go meet my parents who took me out to dinner...we went to an Ethiopian restaurant (Queen of Sheeba) the first/best one in Toronto! If you get the chance you should go! SOOO good!! Then my parents dropped me back off at home...and my aunt and uncle had made a cake! So we had some cake and chatted a bit...then my parents left. And I was hoping to go out for a drink...but seemd most ppl were otherwise occupied....so I was gonna watch Murder on the Orient Express...which I started watchin at like 11:30...but was passing out...so I was in bed by 12. And then today...I went shopping with some of my B-day Money...and bought some new jeans yay!!!

so ya...not in my amazing mood anymore...but i'm still contented! ;) And thank you to all you ppl who did wish me a happy birthday! I do appreciate it! It reminds me that when I am feeling like I have no friends...I may not have friends where I am at...but I know somewhere I have many friends who care! :)

so new update since I was sick...cuz i'm not anymore! yay! (thoguh I havne't been sick for a while)

what's new...not much....work is gonna be BUSY!!! cuz of Winterlicious! gah! how I loathe thee!!!!! Firday 55ppl, Sat 255, Sun 150 and so on bah! it's gonna be busy...AND each person does get a dessert! SO that's 255 desserts on saturday! for the next 2 weeks it's gonna be like Christmas except worse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH!!!! OH and the cafe don't even get me started...if you really want to know talk to me about it! But it's enough to say...it's WAY too much!! like...might have to start gettin there at like 4:30am!

so ya...but for Winterlicious I am goin to Tundra! so that should be fun!

anywho...hope ya'll are doin well/better than you were yesterday! :)

so yay!!!! food poisoning!!!! :S at least I think that's what it must have been! Gah throwing up...started at midnigt...didn't end till about 7:30...7.5 hrs...throwing up every half hour = no sleep!!! like maybe 15min all night. And when I did sleep...my dreams were about throwing up :S But I have been keeping down food since 7:30! so yay!!!!! i'm on the road to recovery! Just ya...still feel a lot like crap...which reminds me..I should also take a shower.

hope you're all healty and such!

so it has been a LONG time since I posted here...but nothing much has been goin on that is post worthy. I work 6am-3pm...most days some days longer.

and well like I said b4 I have a new friend in toronto which is awesome!

ummm I'm headin home for christams in like 1.5 hours lol

went out alst night to crews...and a great time...Kaite....and got quite drunk...and didn't drink enough water...so my head is hurtin!!!!!!! And I should be packing now..but i'm not, and I just want to sleep really...and not do anything today.

I want to be like Mickey Mouse in Fantasia where he brings brooms to life so they can clean my room and do my packing for me. But that won't happen will it? Even if I like prayed to God, I doubt he'd help me out. hehe...so ya....quick little update!

HEY hey...so it's been 11 6am shifts...and I am still alive! Surprising isn't it?? lol

so ya the job is goin well...still feel kinda lost as to how things are run....see at RCYC we stuck around for service...pastry people plated desserts and at the Drake....we prepe all the desserts and leave. VERY different. Like at RCYC we were the last ones to leave..cuz dessert is the last part of the meal...whereas at the Drake...we're like the first people to leave...it feels weird! It always feels like i'm leaving while there's still tons of work to be done, so I always feel like i'm forgetting something!

But I am getting the hang of it...I can easily set up the cafe by myself, and do all the prep no problem...it's just learning the chain of comand, how to read function sheets, just things like that.

and I've made a friend :) not at work..I actully met him online...and ya he's cool, and just friends! it's cool :) but he does live in North York :S but works at a restaurant downtown! And I have another guy I met, a chef as well, he's cool...would like to hang out with him again! had a blast last time with him!

and tonight is Herose! yay!!!

and ya

I guess that's all

Mark out